Alexander Zamachaj

It happened back in November, at what my wife and expected to be a regular meeting for our Scout Troop. Our son had been in the Troop for a few years and our daughter (once they allowed girls into Scouting America) had joined more recently. My wife started a sister troop that shared the same committee with our son’s so that we could all meet together on the same night. We are lucky to have a large committee with involved adults in a troop that has been around for over a 100 years. However, on the committee are some older gentleman who, while gracious for giving their time long after their own son’s have left the troop, unfortunately are stuck with the mindset that girls should not be allowed in scouting with boy’s. Soon after the committee meeting began, one of these older gentleman went into a lengthy, illogical monologue as to what they have done in the troop for boys and how none of the men know what the girls want. This alone lit a fire under me and got my blood roiling. To me, girls in Scouting America need the same thing as boys….leadership, training, guidance, trust. I could go on, but you get the idea. I snuck in a few comments and tried to keep them clean and appropriate for a committee meeting, but before I could really defend my wife and the girls in the troop, I was indirectly attacked. Almost 2 years ago, I started bringing up the idea of doing a trip to Maine to a high adventure camp there for a canoe trip. I had talked about it at committee meetings for at least 2 years, no one had voiced any concerns, and so last fall I started signups. I got 8 scouts and 2 other adults to sign on for the trip, pay their deposits, and start the planning with the scouts. Well, this same older gentleman apparently wasn’t at any of the committee meetings where it was discussed and started saying that we never voted on it, who approved it, etc. etc. etc.

I kept my cool, brought up the point that it had been discussed for 2 years with no issues, but on the inside wanted to hurl every insult I could think of his way. It had turned out to be one of the most contentious, high test committee meetings I have ever been to. Even the committee chair was caught off guard and over the next couple of months toyed with the idea of stepping down due to this gentleman’s point of view and verbal attacks. Well, the pivotal point for me didn’t come during the committee meeting, it came about a week afterwards as I was going on my daily morning walk with my dog, Bernard. I kept replaying the night of the committee meeting in mind, reconstructing it, getting myself angry again and again and then at some point, in the process of getting myself all worked up again I realized that I was doing it to myself. I was getting angry at this gentleman over and over again for what? Because I wanted to be angry? A much larger part of me wanted to move on and I realized that I kept rehashing it only to keep my blood boiling so I could have something to be angry at. It wasn’t worth it, the stress I was creating for myself over one evening that had already passed. At the same time, I had never had a problem with this gentleman before and realized that he probably thought he did nothing wrong. Why was I letting this man’s actions dictate my anger level a week after the meeting? So I decided to move on, let it go, and not let someone else control my emotions.

That was the pivotal point, that realization that I have no right to let someone else dictate how I act or react and how I live my life and the emotions I hold. Letting go lowered my stress level and allowed me get to living my life the best way possible. For a week I had been letting an event in the past control my present day emotions and it was stupid. Moving on from something like that even 10 years ago would have been unfathomable to me, so at the age of 43, I finally figured out the importance of letting things go. This isn’t to say I couldn’t let things go before, it just would have taken months or years for it to fade from memory before I could. Instead I made the conscious decision to let it go early and move forward with my life for me and my family. Further, I don’t hold a grudge or treat this gentleman differently after that incident. I have talked with him at length since then, am cordial with him, but leave it at that.

How many things are you holding on to that could be let go? How many negative interactions with others still weigh on you and find a way to control your emotions? If there is something there, let it go, live your own life. As the saying goes, let bygones be bygones, and so on and so on. We have one life to live, and the only thing we are guaranteed is the present, so lets remember to live in the present and not let events of the past control us. Have a great day and be nice to others!