Cherish These Moments

This past weekend my family and I spent a few days up in Vermont, a few days to get away, relax, and set aside the noise and chaos of our daily lives at home. It was a bit of a chaotic start on Friday. My daughter had her “promotion” or graduation ceremony from 6th grade, the end of an era at her elementary school. Following that, she wanted to go hang out with friends during the day at the beach, go to an ice cream party at her friends house in the evening, and my son decided he needed to study for finals. Originally we were all going to head up to Vermont on Friday together, but alas, plans change. So I headed up alone on Friday to get the grass cut, and all our gear set up….table and benches pulled out of the shed, grill and propane rigged, sleeping bags and pads set. I got all the tedious, little stuff done so that when the rest of them came up on Saturday, we could just hang out and head down to the White River to go swimming. I got most of the work done on Friday, relaxed by the fire in the evening, then Saturday morning headed out with our dog, Bernard, for a strenuous 3.3 mile hike up Rochester Mountain. It was beautiful, but I needed by family to get to Vermont so we could spend time together. They finally arrived late morning.

I was sitting by the fire reading a book when they got there (“Gates of Fire” by Steven Pressfield), and as soon as they got out of the car, my son and daughter came right over to me and started telling me about their day on Friday. They went back and forth, each of them eager to convey their events, who they hung out with, what they did. I asked questions, I probed, I listened, and when they were satisfied with what they had shared, they both asked when we could go swimming in the river. It was that moment, and dozens like them that I cherish. I don’t know how many other parents get to experience moments like that, having a 14 and 12 year old come up to them eager to share stories about themselves, but I hope its many parents. It takes a willingness to listen, to put everything else aside and focus on them, to let them talk and let them know they can share without being interrupted or rushed along. We have tried over the course of their lives so far to afford them every opportunity to talk openly, to share with us their struggles and their triumphs, and every little nitty gritty detail they feel they need to share with us. And they still do, they still are eager to share. My daughter even shared how now she was officially the only one of her group of friends, at the age of 12, to not have a smart phone. The last of her friends who didn’t have phones received them as graduation presents on Friday afternoon. Yet, despite all of them having phones, she doesn’t feel the need to have one yet. And I absolutely love that about her.

So we went swimming as a family, fighting the swift current, diving off of rocks, lounging in the sun. We stayed till the kids got tired and wanted to go, and then, on the way back, they both asked if we could get ice cream a the maple sugar house around the corner from our property. Of course we said yes, because I wanted some as well. It is by far quite tasty, soft serve maple flavored ice cream with maple syrup drizzled on top. Can’t beat that for a treat on a hot day after swimming. We ended the day by the fire, the kids retiring to their bunks when before us. Sunday came and we packed up to head back home. My wife and daughter took one car home with our dog, I took our son and swung through New Hampshire to pick up my nephew. On the way to my brother’s house, I began asking my son questions, starting with “why are we hear, what’s the meaning of life”. He started off with a joke as he always does, but we quickly followed a meandering line of thought, meaning of life to religion to purpose to fortitude and ending with speaking up. I mostly asked the questions, probing him to think deeply, and on occasion he would spin those questions back to me. It was a great conversation, and I love the fact that he will sit there with me at 14 and engage those questions, taking the time to think deeply about them, and converse as if he was older than he really is. It is also those moments which I cherish.

The weekend started off a little chaotic, decisions and schedules needed to be ironed out. In the end, however, it was full of moments which I wouldn’t have traded for anything, moments which I took the time to engage with and not rush through. It takes effort sometimes to just exist and let life slowly move around you, letting children dictate the pace of things and how and when they will happen. Yet, its those moments that matter in the long run, those are the moments which both they and I will remember, and I hope it will strengthen the bond we have together. I love the fact that both my children, even as teenagers, are comfortable enough in our relationship to randomly come give me a hug and just start talking. Whenever they do, I stop what I’m doing so I can engage with them fully. I cherish those moments, every single one. What are some of the moments you cherish? What is your relationship like with your children? What can you change to make it better? We only have the present to live, the past is gone, the future is uncertain, but if we attend to what matters, what is right in front of us right now, we will fill our lives with more memories and more moments we can cherish later.