Disbelief

I don’t know if this happened when I was younger, and if it did, I was completely oblivious to it. I also don’t know if this even happened when my son, going into his Sophomore year of high school, was in sixth grade going into seventh. What I’m talking about is a select group of moms (yes, moms of girls in my daughters class) who have decided that it is a good idea to doll up their daughters, 12-13 years old, and bring them to boy’s sporting events to watch them play. By “dolled” up, I mean full makeup, nice clothes, hair done just right I’m sure, all to watch 6th grade boys, peers in their class, play sports. There is only one reason that they are getting dressed up like that and going to sporting events to watch boys play, and that is to attract their attention. What are they trying to prove? What is the purpose of doing this at their age? And better yet, is it the mom’s idea, or the daughter’s?

To be honest, I have not witnessed this first hand, but I have it from a trusted mom whose son plays sports, basketball being his favorite, and has seen these girls being dropped off to watch the games only to be picked up at the end. This mom’s son is, I’m sure like most boys his age, is unaware of why the girls are there are what they are trying to achieve by being dressed the way they are. I’m lucky that my daughter is not friends with any of these girls, crass and mean as my daughter says they are in school. I’m also lucky that my daughter is blissfully unaware of anything I just talked about. She doesn’t know about those girls dressing up to attract boys attention and she sure doesn’t show any interest in following along. In fact, my daughter bucks the trend that most girls set. I think in the course of her 12 years of life she has worn a dress twice, once to my brother’s wedding when she was around 2-3 years old and maybe one other time when we had her try one on only to have her pull it off and say never again. She also swears off makeup and refuses to wear it. Yes, things may change and she may decided to wear dresses and perhaps even have a desire to put on makeup one day, but that isn’t happening right now. Even to her graduation this past Friday, while most girls wore white dresses or some form of dress, she wore jean shorts and a white t-shirt, one of the few girls not to be in a dress.

The clothing decision is entirely of my daughter’s own doing. We did and do nothing to either encourage or discourage what she wears, the only requirement being that it is decent, meaning shorts can’t be too short, no low cut tops and shirts have to come down past the top of the shorts or pants. She doesn’t fight us, because she is completely modest as it is, but we have made clear, regardless, that those are our expectations.

Now I don’t know if those girls who get dolled up to go to basketball and other sports games to watch boys came up with the idea themselves or it was the mom’s idea, but it calls into question the role of parents in that situation. At what point does a parent step in and say, “Enough is enough, that’s a little too far for your age.” I truly wonder if due to social media and culture today that these girls have a desire to do this on their own or if their moms have suggested it. I hope it is the former and not the latter, but I may never know. What I do know is that it is a failure in my mind of the parents and their role as parents. I don’t believe girls going into middle school should be driven to games and dropped off to watch boys and attract their attention. They are still kids, their brains aren’t fully developed, they can’t fully grasp the entirety of the situation and the lasting effects of what they are participating in. These aren’t grown up girls, yet they are acting and being treated like grown ups. Their brains aren’t yet developed enough yet to deal with all of that, despite what they may think.

I’m not one to tell other people what to do, but I am one to comment on it, especially when I see and hear things that directly contradict what I believe should be done. Parents need to have a spine, need to be able to say no, to set consequences for actions if their children don’t behave or do things that go against their own core beliefs. Yet, many parents cave too easily these days. I know many who don’t, but there are also many who don’t take parenting as seriously as they should. Our role as parents is to raise children with a good set of morals, a desire to help others, and be capable of making solid ethical decision as they grow older. It is work and it doesn’t happen overnight. It is a yearslong process that builds on itself, the foundation being set when they are young. We as parents don’t get to take breaks, or take gap years, or shove the responsibility onto others. When we had children, we took on the role of parents and we must see it through till they grow up, become adults and leave our house. I just hope that those girls turn out ok, which I’m sure they will, but exposing them at this age to thoughts and ideas that are better reserved for later teenage years is disturbing. Parenting isn’t easy, but if its done correctly, is one of the most rewarding roles we can ever play.