Let Them Question

Growing up, I was the kid who questioned everything. I was always pestering adults as to why things were the way they were; why the school day ran the same schedule over and over again and wouldn’t it be a good idea to change things up, or I don’t think what your teaching is correct and here is the evidence to back me up, or why why why? I never just went along with something because it had always been that way and functioned well the way it was. I was always trying to get to the bottom of things, to find out the reason behind why things took place. Often times, those questions would get me into trouble, adults not being receptive to a young kid questioning their authority and methodology. Yet, there were also many times when I gained a better insight into things and came to a deeper understanding by asking the questions no one else wanted to ask. And so it is in that spirit, that when we had children, I vowed to tell them to question everything from everyone. If they disagreed with the way things were done or if they wanted to know why, ask. Simple as that, never settle and always push the boundaries. Even at home, I have told them again and again to ask us as parents why. It is in that line of thought and reasoning that my son last week, questioned something we said and the reasoning behind it.

It all boils down to seltzer. In our house, we try to be as sustainable as possible, keep our expendables to a minimum, even it they can be recycled. The less recycling and waste we produce, the better off our planet will be. We had hit on a trend where our children had been requesting cans of seltzer water. We simply asked that they use the soda stream we have to lessen the amount of cans we are going through and that we would purchase whatever flavoring they wanted so it could mimic the cans as close as possible. Well, my son asks if, since we also buy cans of hard seltzer for us, would we be able to make hard seltzer and even further reduce our carbon footprint. My wife thought he was going to accost us and produce an ultimatum whereby if we stopped buying their cans of seltzer, so should we for our hard seltzer. I saw the benefit of the question, and while I can see where it might be construed as a little dig, he had a valid reason for wanting to know the difference and why. We didn’t resolve it that evening, but we revisited the conversation and I elaborated as to why it wasn’t necessarily as economical to make the hard seltzer on our own versus the soda stream. The process is more involved and the difference in energy usage would probably be comparable in the end. And that settled that.

The whole point was, if we as parents can’t provide a reason for an action of ours or statement, then we shouldn’t be making that action or statement. I believe in full transparency and if my children want to know why we do something a certain way or why we ask them to do certain things, I will provide the best reason possible and if it means questioning my own reason because it may be flawed, and being open and honest about it with our kids, then it will improve me as a person and show them what it is like to change when confronted with alternatives that make more sense. Its not easy to be questioned by your children, but if we can accept those questions with grace and humility, and talk with them as humans, we can help them grow and mature into well rounded people who will see the benefit of questioning things and making sure they have a solid reason for doing what they do. The more we as parents can humble ourselves and let our children know even we aren’t perfect, the more they will see it is ok to not be perfect either, as long as they can correct their mistakes and learn and grow from them. It will also teach them to examine their beliefs and if they need adjusting as well, to not be afraid to alter their beliefs based on sound evidence and reasoning.

Its not easy to question things, but its perhaps the one thing we should be doing more than anything else. Questioning the norms, pushing the boundaries, finding the reason behind things so we can better understand them and in the long run, learn from those around us who are more knowledgeable than we are. If you aren’t questioning the things around you and why they are they way they are, maybe its time to start.