Building Courage

Courage. Its something I think we all wished we had a little more of. Its one of those virtues that can be elusive when the shit hits the fan, when we are called on to make a momentous decision and need to make the right one. Its what drives us to speak up when no one else will. Its what compels us to stand up for those less fortunate that us. Its what makes us stand out from the crowd and what sets us apart from others. Courage does not come easy, it takes conscious effort to call up courage in the little matters of life so that when the big ones come, we have a well of courage and experience to draw on that makes utilizing it that much easier. As I was driving around today, contemplating things as I usually do, I thought about what I wrote yesterday about encouraging our children to speak up, question everything, and not be afraid to ask for reasons, motives, and rationale. In the act of pushing them to stand up and speak out, I realized that we are inadvertently helping them build courage. Many of the things we ask our children to do at this age are simple, don’t require much courage (at least to an adult’s mind), and will have seemingly minimal reach. Yet, to them, it probably seems as if we are asking them to tackle the world, question the pillars of their life, and partake in the hardest actions known to humankind.

It may seem that way to them now, but these little acts of courage that we push and prod them to undertake will carry far beyond this moment for them and build a bank of courage that they will be able to withdraw from later. The effect of this and the change I’ve seen from when they were little has already been profound. With both my son and daughter, they are already talking about ways in which they stand up for their friends that are singled out by bullies and shun by the “cool” kids. They have grown into young teenagers who don’t care what others think about them and are not afraid to voice their opinion and stand up for themselves. They can walk up to a counter and order food, talk to strangers when necessary, and make new friends fairly easily. All this because we asked them to do the hard things early, to have a little courage early on that is already paying off and giving them the support they need. Perhaps the most profound effect I’ve seen has been with the metamorphosis of my daughter who used to be a shy toddler who wore sunglass to be “invisible”, would look away when in the presence of strangers, and would hardly talk when anyone outside our close family was around. Today, she is this outgoing young girl (almost a teenager but I consider her there already) who will openly say that she doesn’t have a problem making new friends and actually seeks out new people to talk to. She never stops talking, and is open and honest about her struggles, yet confident enough in herself to stand up to others. With this courage our children are building, I have complete confidence that they will be able to navigate the tough stretches of life and the difficult decisions they will be called on to make because of their younger years and small acts that showed them what courage is like.

If children can learn to be courageous, we can all learn to be courageous. It can be tougher as we get older, we get set in our ways, don’t want to ruffle feathers, would sometimes rather go with the flow than be the rock obstructing the current. Yet if we go this route, we are not living up to our full potential. We, as humans, should feel the call to be courageous, to make those tough decisions, to stand up for others and for the just cause. Yet, there are many people I know who simply don’t care and just want to live their lives. There is nothing wrong with that, I just choose to be different, to try to have a little more courage when it counts, even if I’m not always successful. There will always be more small opportunities for us to be courageous. If we practice courage in these small moments, we will have it when it really counts and the effect on others will be astounding. Do the courageous thing today and don’t wait. What was something that happened recently that you needed courage for?