Adult Leaders

Both in life and in scouting, there are certain ways of dealing with conflicts and issues regarding youth that are beneficial and constructive. On the opposite end, there are the selfish, negative, and harmful ways of dealing with those same issues. Lets start with the beneficial and constructive ways. These involve talking with youth in such a way as to get them to see how they acted inappropriately or how they themselves can resolve a conflict and guiding them based on established ethics and morals. When adults act in such a way, youth are more likely to respond in a positive manner and correct their behavior or resolve the conflicts themselves. This obviously doesn’t always happen, but they are less likely to shut down, more apt to listen, and will hold the adult talking to them in a higher esteem and respect. Sometimes it can be the hardest thing to do, to control our emotions as adults when dealing with youth, to remain calm and level headed. Youth know how to push our buttons and get under our skin. It takes practice and it takes training to achieve a level a proficiency to do this on a regular basis. It even takes the ability to walk away when we think we can’t control our emotions, to have the self awareness to know when we can’t handle a certain situation and have another adult step in to deal with it. I would not have acted in such a way decades ago, but through training, and with practice, I have arrived at such a point in my life where I feel that the majority of the time, I can deal with situations that arise with youth in a positive manner. So what does the flip side look like?

Well, the flip side to acting in a positive, constructive manner is pretty obvious; it involves yelling, losing one’s cool, acting upon one’s emotions, and berating and talking down to youth. Science has shown again and again that when adults try to resolve conflicts in such a way, it often times exacerbates the situation, the youth shut down and stop listening, and are more likely to act out in the future. There are times when a stern voice is necessary, but there is also a fine line that can easily be crossed between a stern voice and yelling and every adult must be careful when coming close to that line. I remember being on the receiving end of a rant by yelling adults as a teenager and the yelling did nothing to improve the situation. In those cases, I found that the teenagers around me were goaded into acting out even more, to see how quickly they could get the adult to snap, to yell again, and lose their cool. Yelling and losing one’s cool as an adult rarely has the desired effect and if adults truly want to resolve conflicts and discipline youth appropriately, yelling and acting on one’s emotions should be avoided at all costs.

I am writing about this today because at scout camp last week, I witnessed on a few occasions, adults yelling at youth in an attempt to discipline or correct behavior. As an outsider, I could plainly see that it would not work, the youth in question smiling slyly, and mulling over how to get away with it again. It they didn’t act out again right away, it was only a matter of time before they did. I felt bad for the scouts and youth being yelled at, and before I lost my cool myself at the adults yelling, I had to walk away. Its in everyone’s best interest if we learn how to control our emotions, to talk civilly to youth and offer constructive ways for them to act in a more positive manner and not resort to their previous ways. It is not just in scouting, but as parents, teachers, coaches, leaders of any sort, we need to learn how to deal with conflicts in a more positive manner so our youth flourish and can see how best to move forward resolving their own conflicts and how best to get along with others around them. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes work and practice. As adults, however, it is incumbent upon us to put in that work, to practice positive methods of dealing with youth, and to refrain from yelling, berating, and talking down to the youth under our care. I can only hope that this reaches those that need it the most and they are receptive to seeing how a positive attitude and a calm, cool manner when dealing with conflicts and adverse situations regarding youth will help them and others in the long run. I myself will continue to practice, to attempt to not act on my own emotions and to teach and guide youth in a positive manner.