Knowing/Not Knowing

One of the greatest indicators of true wisdom in my mind is knowing when you don’t know something and even more so, being able to admit it readily to others. This is something that I have tried instilling in my children over the years and my son the other day, admitted to my wife that he didn’t know something. It happened to be with what he wants to do with his life and we both support his not knowing at the ripe old age of almost 15. He is a sophomore and is just beginning to explore his interests. We have pushed him towards nothing in particular, but rather have recommended he find what he loves and explore those loves in depth. But more about our son and his meandering and varied interests on a later date. The thing that struck me the most was his ability at his age to admit that he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. I think that it is a distinct sign of maturity that he can declare that openly instead of just blindly following what his peers are doing and going along for the ride. That got me thinking about all the times that I have admitted that I don’t know something, and it happens quite often, and the appreciation shown by others that I am not just going to dive in and pretend to know something when I don’t.

That phrase that often gets repeated when we are younger to “fake it till you make it” gives younger people a false sense of ability. Yes, there is a certain point where knowledge will only get you so far before you need to take a chance, plunge right in, and use the knowledge you have to try and make it. But for the most part, one should have at least some knowledge of a skill or activity before plunging in and attempting to “fake it till they make it”. It takes a humble person to say that they don’t know something, but if they follow it up with, “but I’m willing to look into it and see if I can figure it out,” or “I’ll ask someone I know who is experienced with this and get an answer for you,” it shows tenacity and a willingness to learn. This is why many jobs have requirements in place to make sure that people don’t attempt to fake it till they make it. Yet there are many areas that don’t have requirements and acting in such an irresponsible way is possible. I used to adhere to that mentality, but I have come to realize that it is much more powerful to admit a lack of knowledge, it is even a sign of true wisdom, that I will readily research something extensively before I dive in and potentially make a fool of myself.

I am glad that our son has at least, in one area of his life, admitted to not knowing something. The fact that it has to do with what he wants to do with his life is even more telling. It gives me hope that he will follow that up with admitting when he doesn’t know something in other areas of his life. If we could teach young children one thing, I think this would be the most important, to recognize when their knowledge falls short, admit it, but then follow it up with a willingness to learn, to read, to become knowledgeable so that their intrinsic value exponentially increases. We need to let the phrase “fake it till you make it” fall off into oblivion and replace it with, “know before you go” or something like that. In any case, I will continue to attempt instilling in my children the fact that not knowing can be just as powerful as knowing, especially when we are open and honest about it.