Releasing Anger

Its human nature to get angry. It happens to all of us, sometimes more than we would like. That stranger who says something mean or doesn’t hold the door. The errant driver weaving in and out of traffic. The slight from a family member, a comment made without thinking. A quick reaction by someone else that digs deep. We have all been recipients of something that has caused us anger. That’s the part we can’t control, as I’ve mentioned in many posts, the actions or words of others. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we can’t even help getting angry, its a spontaneous emotion that erupts within us, sometimes more quickly in certain people than others. But it still happens regardless. What is up to us is how we react once we get angry. I for one still sometimes react impetuously, without thought, and fire right back. That’s definitely not an appropriate reaction, but one that I have been working on remedying, taking time to think, to settle, to really look at what happened and if it is worth saying or reacting at all. Most times now, once I sit with it, it becomes quite apparent that any reaction is not worth it. Most times, it will only exacerbate a situation and make it worse. Even further, it could perpetuate the flow of anger from myself, radiating to others, and getting them caught up in the emotion, even if they didn’t intend to cause anger in the first place.

Most religions and philosophies teach us a better way to react. Catholicism teaches to turn the other cheek, to love our enemies, and to be kind to everyone, even when we are angry. In Buddhism, they teach that holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone, you are the first one burned. And the Stoics taught of the measured response, to not react with passion and thus anger, but with logic, looking at what the other person did or said and measuring it as being truthful or not. If it is truthful, than maybe we need to change. If it isn’t, then move on with life. There are many more teachings on it that we can utilize. So why don’t we then? Why do some people hold on to anger so tenaciously that we can see it consuming them and turning them into people they are not? Why is that anger at others has become such a de-facto response that we are surprised when someone doesn’t react in anger? It shouldn’t be this way, but sadly, it is. There are many out there who still harbor great amounts of anger towards others, often based on assumptions or events so far gone that one wonders how that anger can still possibly held so dear.

The thing is, once we learn to release our anger and move forward in life, it gets easier and easier to do. Further, we are more able to recognize the situations that could anger us, and we start to avoid them entirely. Even small instances that irk us and dig under our skin, most of them we can easily brush off, if we learn to do so, if we learn that others aren’t intentionally causing us pain and suffering, that is just the way they are and just because they don’t do things the way we expect them to, doesn’t give us the right to get angry. So how do we start? We must first start with looking inwards at ourselves and how we respond to everyday situations that cause anger within us. Then we need to look at why they are causing us to get angry and how we can learn to move past it and not let them affect us the way they do. Then move forward, release any anger we have, and begin living in the present again, moving forward dealing with every new situation as if it is exactly that, brand new. It starts by not making assumptions, by not jumping to conclusions, and actually looking at everything in a logical manner. Only then can we begin living without anger in a way that is fruitful and beneficial to all those around us.