Knowing our Children

I got into a conversation the other day with a gentleman, another father like myself, who I discovered lives in the same town I do and has a son who is a year older than mine and goes to the same school. He wasn’t overly talkative or forthcoming with information, however he was nice and approachable, and being who I am, I started asking questions once my interest got piqued by meeting someone I had never met before with a son close in age to mine. We talked for a bit and in an interest to see if our son’s might have come in contact with each other at the high school, I asked, “What is your son into?” The gentleman paused, thought for a second, and responded, “I really don’t know”. I was a little taken aback. I eventually figured some details out about his son and that he probably never ran into mine, but it wasn’t immediate. And not that it should be an immediate response when asked what our children are into, but we should as parents be able to come up with at least something. Even the smallest thing that they are into, any interest, however mundane, to show that we know at least something of who they are.

It takes time and attentiveness, a willingness to put our interests aside and listen to our children, pay attention to them when they talk and tell us about their day and what they did. This alone will shed light on much of who they are. But if we pay even closer attention, take part in their lives, we can rattle off to others most if not all of what our children are interested in. Its not just showing that we care, but also that we are invested in our children and their future. To know what they are interested in and “in to” allows us to help guide them on the path towards adulthood, to foster those interests, stand behind them, offer them support, and cheer them on when they achieve success pursuing their interests. Its all part of being a good parent, at least in my opinion, and I would hope in the opinion of many others.

To be fair, I don’t know what the personal life of the gentleman I spoke to is like. I don’t know if he is married, single, divorced, or how much he has to work to support his family. All this could play into him not knowing what his son is into. But even if someone has to work long hours to support their family, I feel that they would want to know even more what their children are into since they don’t get to spend as much time at home. Regardless, in order to truly know our children, we have to invest our attention with them, cut out distractions while they are around, be present with them, and sometimes, just listen with two ears and no speaking. Its amazing what we could learn about our children if we just shut up and listen, don’t offer advice, just ask questions and let them talk. Many times, they are eager to tell us the world, we just have to be willing and able to listen attentively.