Middle school has to be the worst period of time for kids, especially girls. I remember back over 30 years ago when I was in middle school; peers made fun of one another, all allegiances switched constantly, cliques reign over everything else, and it was all one could do to keep their muddled head above water. I maintained my sanity, if it could be called that, by poking fun at myself, not caring what others thought, and staying true to my chaotic, hormone fueled self. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would not want to go through that period again, as important developmentally as it was. Given the challenges today with screens, computers, phones, and social media, I can’t imagine the turmoil that kids live through when they are going through that same period. I, for one, am glad that my daughter does not have a phone yet and has at least one less thing to worry about in that regard. Yet, that is about where the benefits end; she still needs to live through the pressure and the changing friendships accompanied by her changing body and ramping hormones. Its tough.
There have been days she has come home, not in tears (from what I’ve seen), but visibly upset at how her “friends” from elementary school treated her during the day, grabbing snacks and scattering them against her will, blaming her for things she didn’t do, and being generally unpleasant human specimens. Yet, through it all, our daughter has remained strong so far and we do everything we can to support her. To her credit, she wants to solve her problems on her own, but despite that, she feels comfortable enough at home to share all her problems and the issues she is having with certain people at school. It makes it more difficult because some of these so-called “friends” used to be close with her only last year yet somehow have pivoted and become shifty and dubious, or just teenagers in the process. So without a phone, she retreats to the comfort of a good book, a comfortable chair, and her parents support at home. While I know we can’t make her struggles go away (I wouldn’t want to anyway as that’s what builds character), we can support her and guide her through as best we can. If we have done everything we can as parents when she was younger and given her the confidence to stand up for herself, then I know she will be fine.
There will be ups and downs, such as we all go through in life, it just seems the roller coaster during middle school is filled with a lot more dramatic ups and downs than we deal with the rest of the time. Middle school sucks, there is no other way to put it, yet if we can get our daughter through and help her get stronger in the process, then we have succeeded. I’m sure there will be more challenges as this year and the next progresses, but I know we have given her a good start and she is remaining as strong as she can through it all. All we can do now is encourage her to step away from those “friends” that are treating her as anything but a friend and forge stronger ties with the new friends she has made through her exploration of new activities. This is what will get her through, new friendships with girls who aren’t stuck up, wavering waifs who think they can do whatever they want and get away with it. For my part, I just dig deep in my well of patience when my daughter loses it and simply hold out my arms to give her a hug. That’s all we can do, plus shed little bits of advice that we hope she will utilize. She is on a good track so far and I know if she stays true to herself, she will come out the other side a strong young woman.
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